and i keep replaying the moment.where i turned and i saw.as though i was at life's end.my life in surround sound and on silver screen.and the 2 syllables that have governed my life for so long.a fifth of my life.specifically.escaped the confines of my being.in bewilderment.in shock and awe.in need.ha.fiz.you looked.an endless stream of adjectives.sloppy.tired.irate.happy.so painfully familiar.and then.serene and fulfilled.i lost you.again.ironic.i never.had you.never ever had.and i stood.my body.a jumble.heart in throat.eyes on feet.hands.a vice on ciggs and beer.but.but.but.the mind.it.plays tricks.it rewinds.pauses.but a memory.pain.cathartic epiphany.replays.rewind.i've lost all of you.ashes to ashes.dust to dust.