warning!emotional post ahead!

touch has always been something that has made me feel fulfilled.when things got particularly rough and shitty the one thing that was sure to make me forget all my insecurities was touch.i loved the field,the people,the odd shaped ball.everything about it made it my soma.however ever since i came into ntu,touch has lost its magic.i don't feel as accomplished as i did.i don't come early for training.i don't want trainings to stretch.i am what i was not in jc.i keep skipping training something that i never did in jc unless i really had to.god.i played in a touch competition which was a day before my a level lit paper.but now...damn.i'm not going to allow myself to think about this.going to just go and get glitter so i can do something brainless.ilykthxbye.


one's body is not made to smoke 7 marlboro ice mint in 1 sitting on a semi-empty stomach.fuckadingdongs.i'm still wearing my clothes from yesterday and i look like shitte.gah.and i came 1hour early for lecture and i am penniless.kill me please.smoking is bad for you.don't pick it up.swears.i'm incoherrent.m'sia was good.mindless fun.attempted to ride a motorbike but failed tremendously.haha.and and and i love firecrackers.sparklers are for the wee ones.firecrackers are the sex bomb man.have 1 cherry bomb firecracker with me.and like tons of sparklers.ouh god.my whole body is messed up man.shitte.i need sleep and food.gah.and i want to go halloween costume shopping.(can't wait to see eyecandy.regardless of how bloody bad i look).ilykthxbye.


going to disappear for awhile.into nothingness and oblivion.going to put myself into an abyss.and not think for a bit.and i decided that watermelon shall henceforth be my eyecandy.wheee.ilykthxbye.


when it comes to you,
i am scared.
i start to doubt.
who am i?
what is my end?
when will i know
and be sure
of my place?
with you,
life as i know it,
ends.





i am possibly the biggest idiot on earth (at this point in time at least).studied for econs test.slept through econs test.kill me already.but nevermind goodness comes out of it.i have my outfits for next week planned out.YAY!!!
mon: rock star
tues: white shirt
wed: dancer
yes.i know i should be doing my 1600word essay.stop nagging me already.i will do it later.promise.no more emo nemo today.just chiong-ing essay.and getting it done.flirting is such harmless fun.ilykthxbye.


me:
ugh!sch did not start on a good note...i forgot to bring my ezlink.my laundry is wet=no blanket.i slipped and fell...again )):
mcrider:
Aiyo, why u so clumsy ah... Aiya u can use the curtain as blanket hor... Then u can use oven to
dry ur laundry ma... Aiya u ah... Wah i give up liao lor... Wahahahaha

((:


just got news that my ex-classmate's mother just passed away.have no idea what i can do.so please do drop me a text or an email with suggestions.i wasn't close to her but she was my classmate and i was the chairperson.anyway what makes it more sad is that her parents are divorced and she was living with her mother who was looking after her grandparents.so it's really rather messed up right now.so please help me help her ok.ilykthxbye.


LAST NIGHT WAS THE ABSOLUTE BOMB
mcrider had made plans to come but couldn't "due to last minute upheavals"
*wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee*
LIGHT STICKS ARE FUCKING ORGASMIC
going out with fireman after exams
*wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee*
GETTING HIGH ON COKE IS THE ULTIMATE
babe is coming back in 10 days
*wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee*
LIFE IS GETTING MORE BEARABLE AND FUN
the encik who tagged was him
*wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee*
ILYKTHXBYE


rub down the top layer
anticipate the tears
pick up a knife
test it's sharpness
just right for peeling
the first layer's easy
nary a teardrop
but brace yourself
it gets harder
eyes will water
hang in there
the end is near
reach the heart
that's what it is
truly.


http://philip.greenspun.com/zoo/red-riding-hood

a worthy read.despite the fact that my blog is filled with thrash,the rest of the net isn't.mcrider is mia.hmmm.shall go indulge in a nice long shower.imagine that.lol.ilykthxbye.


today is going to be a super influx of posts day.i decided to do some diy and turned my jeans into a freaking short skirt.then since i felt like it and audrey (my roomie) wasn't in.i thought i'd play dressup.all outfits are worn with my trademark double stockings.black semi-opaque inside and fishnet outside.

look 1:my diy skirt.its ultimate chao geng fest.

look 2:fucking love the corset-y effect of my belt.boobs look fucking fake.lol.
look 3: i really love suspenders man
off for dinner...expensive dinner..my bank is going to burst wide open.i bought 40USD worth of things from F21 (yellow wallet,notebook,ribbed stockings&shorts).and i just spent like 40SGD today on birthday stuff.dies.my mummy tells me to stop being so clumsy.i'm not just a flirt in a skirt.says the hall 8 cheerleading tee.cuteness.mcrider,smile please.ilytkthxbye.


only i can resprain my still recovering sprained ankle.i am beyond clumsy.serious.and it totally made me think that Singaporeans (or maybe just that girl) are really not nice.seriously.i fell down like on my knees already and you just stood there gaping waiting for me to pick your phone which dropped.fuck.just cause you wearing nice dress doesn't mean you cannot help people right.you were RIGHT BESIDE me.not like 10million miles away.i am like quite upset cause my bag is bloody heavy )): i can already feel my ankle throbbing and it is now seriously thrice the size of my normal ankle.serious.never lie.lol.anywayyy despite yesterdays bullshitte (to the point of no return) luck of bumping into my "stalker" and today's great fall i have had a marvelous beginning to my week with eliters gang and mcrider and eighters ((: and encik you don't faster recover already.then we can be handicapped together.lol.i think its retribution for whip creaming everyone and looking so so so very happy and clean.can't wait for my f21 spree things to come next week.totally rocks when stella my gf sprees cause it takes like less than a week to come compared to other spree-ers who take like FOREVER.and i don't have to pay for registered mail cause i see her in school!ok.i have decided that i am happy ((: damn nonsense.btw i really have no idea where block 2 is.needs to hop to tutorial nowww -.- seriously cannot belive i resprained my ankle.i'm the bomb man...ilykthxbye!


arghhhhhhhhhhhh.he saw me doing the stupid pole dance i was dared to do at dbl o.i just died from humiliation.thank you babies for totally making me do it.serious.never lie.cross my heart and hope to dieeeeeeeeeeee.omg.KILL ME ALREADY!!!


The Winner Takes It All
I don't wanna talk
About the things we've gone through
Though its hurting me
Now its history
Ive played all my cards
And that's what you've done too
Nothing more to say
No more ace to play

The winner takes it all
The loser standing small
Beside the victory
That's her destiny

I was in your arms
Thinking I belonged there
I figured it made sense
Building me a fence
Building me a home
Thinking Id be strong there
But I was a fool
Playing by the rules

The gods may throw a dice
Their minds as cold as ice
And someone way down here
Loses someone dear
The winner takes it all
The loser has to fall
Its simple and its plain
Why should I complain.

But tell me does she kiss
Like I used to kiss you?
Does it feel the same
When she calls your name?
Somewhere deep inside
You must know I miss you
But what can I say
Rules must be obeyed

The judges will decide
The likes of me abide
Spectators of the show
Always staying low
The game is on again
A lover or a friend
A big thing or a small
The winner takes it all

I don't wanna talk
If it makes you feel sad
And I understand
You've come to shake my hand
I apologize
If it makes you feel bad
Seeing me so tense
No self-confidence
But you see
The winner takes it all
The winner takes it all

i just watched mamma mia.(so kill me for being slow).this is my absolutely most favourite scene and song in the whole movie.i have been officially bitten by the musical bug.ding dang dongs of a dblo closed early and my 2nd round on the floor was so anti-climatic.anddd...i totally didn't hook up with anyone.(yes seriously kill me now).anddd...arif's friend was cute.(omg.i should be killed).anddd fastfood makes me shit.like instantaneously.(kill me please).here we are all squeezed into the photo id booth.everyone was tipsy save for me.yeah for coke!ilykthxbye!



i am extremely to the power of infinity pissed off.with myself and fucking john little.bought nipple tape from the john little opposite somerset mrt.then thinking that since john little is a reputable store i didn't keep my receipt.only to discover that the box my nipple tape came in was empty.fuck fuck fuck.i shall punish myself by not sleeping until my fiction paper is done.urgh.$20 down the damn fucking bloody drain...kill me please.


FUCK MAN!!!I FUCKING HATE CICAKS!!!OF ALL THE BLOODING FUCKING IDIOTIC PESTS IN THE WORLD CICAKS MUST BE THE WORST!!!THEY ARE SO DEVIOUS!!!NOT HAVING A BACKBONE SO THAT THEY CAN SQUEEZE THROUGH ANY NOOK AND CRANNY!!!AND HAVING SUCH A MULTITUDE OF COLOURS FROM PUKE GREEN TO SHIT BLACK!!!THEY HAVE STICKY FEET THAT LETS THEM STICK TO WALLS AND CEILINGS BUT FEET THAT AREN'T STICKY ENOUGH WHEN YOU WALK UNDER THEM SUCH THAT THEY DROP ON YOU!!!FUCKING CICAKS SHOULD BE ANNIHILATED!!!I HATE CICAKS!!!

on a lighter note.tomorrow is stella day i.e. girls must go braless and guys must free ball.yipeee.and thursday is way way way on man.


i am screaming at the futility of it all.stupid hotmail is being a bitch.i can't view my emails.ugh.and i still haven't had word from hall 8 cheer.i haven't had proper food since morning and everything i'm eating refuses to sit quietly in my stomach.i'm ecstatic at the idea of having a fashion spread of campus fashion but ntu dearly lacks fashionable people.and the worst is that touch doesn't make me feel accomplished anymore.ENOUGH.positive thoughts.yesterday night was the bomb.carousel cakes,bakerzin pastas and mindless chit chat and not needing to say anything and knowing precisely what the other was thinking.i need more of such days/nights.i want to watch house bunny.to my babies please please please don't cancel out on me this thursday.ilykthxbye.


yanni wants hugs please.


lol.spent the whole day at my uncle's place where my grands were raya-ing at this year.just sat and stuffed my face to the point that my kain(skirt) that was loose in the morning felt tighter at the end of the day.lol.played with the kiddies.caught up with my aunts and uncles.and just basically basked in the love that was overflowing from my uncle's place.

this year's ramadhan has been a really trying one for me not only because i was doing it alone but also because me and amirul aka my best friend were not on speaking terms.parts i've said all i can say.i've trully forgiven you.one mistake is cancelled out by the innumerous times you've always been there for me.you were and i hope will always be the one thing i can fall back on.while at times we may go for months not contacting each other but we both knew that the other would be there regardless.i don't know what it is that's going through your mind right now or even if you still read this but i just want you to know that it's the first day of syawal.a good day for forgiving others and yourself.anyway i just wanted you to know that despite what has happened you're still my parts.

on a lighter note.tomorrow's my brother's pop.hope to see plenty of eye candy.haha.suddenly remembered a convo that occured between me and lala.i think i'm kinda resigned to certain things in life ready...
lala: eh u seriously not contacting anyone right now?
me: yups.swear on my boobs.
lala: but whyyyyy?you choosy ah?
me: how to be choosy when got no guy?

babe.you still make my heart skip beats.ilykthxbye.